Why...?

Why is it that we plan for the future, while life has its own future in store?

Why is it that we have our own schedules, when life has an agenda of its own?

Why is it that a human being can be so gullible and believe anything a person says?

Why is it that we don’t follow our heart from the beginning to the end?

Why do we become lured into situations we don’t desire?

Why is it that we have to endure pain and fire?

Why is it that we pursue relationships with the ones we don’t truly love—is it out of desperation or do we just wish not to love?

Why are we in shackles when we wish to be free? Why are we hindered from a life of eternity?

Why do I write when I wish to only speak—what is the very obstacle in life that is of hindrance to me?

When I can finally answer these questions

My life will probably be at its end.

I will wish to know no more

From a broken heart to a broken pen.

The Final Score

You said you’ve changed,

But you’re still the same.

The same old person I once adored;

The same old person I love no more.

You treat me the same,

I can’t withstand anymore.

All the many times I cried for you,

Those tears will never be back.

I’m done with you, and done with this love.

I’m done with us, and I can’t turn back.

Basketball was the thing I once adored,

Basketball hurt me.

The final score

No, I’m not giving Basketball all of the blame.

I know there were times I too caused pain.

I told you I loved you.

Still, you acted much different.

I caused anguish.

I wish I didn’t.

The wounds of my heart now open wide,

Yet Basketball’s heart only filled with pride.

You lie and then apologize

I can’t love you anymore.

No more of this game,

The final score

What lies behind a smile?

We cannot see.

What hides in the darkness?

Simply my lone dream.

I dream of you,

Forever with me.

Basketball you are my only true dream.

What really hurts?

This heart of mine.

I’ll take a moment to have a silent cry.

What love does to you?

It drives you insane.

I love you.

Yet, I hate you…

What a wonderful game.

Avoid me in the crowd

Ignore me when I speak aloud.

Do all the things you need to do,

Keep me from loving Basketball anew.

This ends with a kiss;

A simple “Good bye”

For all the tears I may have cried

For every time I slit me wrist

Know it was your love I tried to resist

For every time I plucked a strand of my hair,

It was for you though you weren’t ever there.

For every game I did attend

The score meant nothing,

Not even the win.

You will hurt me no more,

The final score

It all ends here,

Game finally over .

One of Twelve Hundred

I am void of a decent education.

We are failing because they have failed us.

I am one of twelve hundred.

At the PTA meeting only 20 parents show

They are not concerned.

Thus, their children sit idle.

We do not want to learn.

We are as if prisoners. Trapped.

On the doors remain locks

And yes they’re chained tight.

This is to “protect” us

The school system’s idea of “safety,”

But I am not safe

I do not believe in this institution.

I do not believe in this system.

I do not believe in me.

I am a product of my environment.

I am a product of these barren grounds.

The nature of this school is said to reflect its social location,

It does.

It is desolate and forlorn.

I am thirsty for knowledge,

But my thirst remains unquenched.

I am waiting.

For change

For something better

For a school where gangs do not freely roam the halls

Where books are available for each student

Where the walls are painted neatly

And not vandalized by all

Just waiting

I question my community

My city

Each local official,

And every school board member

I am fighting alone.

I am fighting to be heard.

I am one of twelve hundred,

And I am fighting to be heard.

Resources are scarce.

They promise things will get better.

I can no longer rely on the hopes of “what will”.

I am seeking to grab a hold of what is now.

I am one of twelve hundred.

I am fighting to be heard.

It is poverty that hinders me from maximizing my potential.

We are simply not provided with the best,

Instead we are instructed to make do

And you question my reading ability

And you inquire about my inability to analyze and interpret mathematical equations

Well I question my teacher’s certification,

And I question the values of the public school system

I am one of twelve hundred,

And I can only advance once my voice is heard.

Death of a Student

I received an ‘A’ today,

I cried.

I received a ‘B’ yesterday,

I almost committed suicide.

I received a ‘C’ on a test,

And that was the end.

My freshman career is over,

They win.

All those people who believed in me,

I’m sorry I gave up so easily.

For all the many programs my parents made me attend,

A waste of time…

It’s evident I’ve messed up again.

I received a ‘D’ and my dad wouldn’t even speak

If I receive an ‘F’ I’m sure my parents will put me out.

I slashed my throat the other night,

The blood gushed something like a ‘B’,

And then it settled something like a ‘C’.

I starved myself for four whole weeks

Studying for a test and I still received a ‘D’.

For every time I receive less than a ‘B’

I inflict upon myself a certain type of pain

It’s clear that I’ve gone insane.

Today was a new day, and I still failed that test.

But my suffering ends here as my parents lay me down to rest.

Born in My Heart

I wish you would look me in the eyes.

No, really… look me in the eyes.

I have something important to tell you.

We need to have this conversation.

I need you to listen to me.

Remember when I told you things would be alright?

Well… they won’t. They can’t. I’ve tried.

Stop crying!

Why are you crying?

I haven’t even finished… just listen.

Just listen and maybe we can get through this together.

Please hush your fears…

I need to finish telling you.

I didn’t bare you. I didn’t give you life.

I wish… I should’ve… I didn’t think you would want to know.

Perhaps you would… perhaps you wouldn’t,

I struggled with this idea.

No I didn’t give you life, but I did give you a living.

You can’t hate me!

I’m your mother!

I know I didn’t bare you,

But I swear you were born in my heart.